new wine is here, new life is come. be
found, o wedding of cana, in me and
be found in us.

a new time is here, new life is come. be
found, o wine of yeshua, in me and
be found in us.

feel the grapes of favor beneath your
feet, may we not contain the life with-
in. may it flow into the gutters of her
street: she who is homeless and with-
need.

feel the grapes of wrath beneath your
feet, you who are hung over from self-
righteousness. may we sober up only to
see clearly the wine we so desperately-
need.

new wine is here, new life is come. be
found, o feet, stained with the evidence
of nights in the press,

a new time is here, new life is come. be
found, o body, numbered among the best
of those who transgress,

behold, drunkards are thirsty for life and
prostitutes long to be wined and dined and
the bride has been avoiding the vineyard and
we are altogether in need of being together again.

(c)  justin p. heap, 2010

+

this is the fourth in the ‘kingdom confessions series’, where i, ii, and iii can be found there.

also, presently compiling and writing poems, essays, and other collections of words to be used in a self-published book – more for an historical account than anything else…but hey, you got to start somewhere!

anyways, here’s to drinking real wine and being found knee-deep in the winepress in the middle of the vineyard! cheers!

Q/ so what wine do you drink, anyway?

2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
3 Then Jesus told them this parable:4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’

7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

+

you know you’re reading GOD’s words when the same passage you’ve already read a dozen times before reveals a glaring obvious truth. glaring, i do declare!

how many of you have read this parable from luke 15? at least two of you, right? okay good. and myself makes three.

did you ever notice what happens to the ninety-nine sheep!?

be honest.

they get left in the “open country” – which is a really fancy way of saying, the wilderness! and by left, i mean, after the shepherd finds the ONE, he goes…HOME!

the wilderness/eramos/open country carries the meanings of solitary, lonely, desolate, uninhabited. and wouldn’t you know it, leaving sheep in the wilderness untended is a sheep-herding no-no from day 1. rattlesnakes, wolves, and just the fact that sheep are dumb, is enough for any shepherd to know better.

(and besides, let’s be honest: if you actually have a hundred sheep – count them, one-puffy-white-lamb-loving hundred! – do you really need to find one!?)

but back to my point. may we all come to see that the 99 is really just an elaborate hoax of sorts.

i mean. think about it. yeshua clearly says “I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” . and tell me, have you ever known anyone without the need for repentance?

no. they don’t exist. and neither do the 99 sheep. it’s a hoax. it’s a tell-all mirror. if you think you are righteous, then you are gravely mistaken. likewise, if you think you’ve been left behind, then you are, in fact, lost. and friends, if you’re lost, then you’re just like the one single sheep. we all are! we’re all lost. only when we deceive ourselves do we think we are righteous on our own: only when we deceive ourselves do we think we exist as the 99. the 99 don’t exist.

and another thing. this parable (and the next) is not about repentance. haha! is that not ridiculous? and grace-laden? and completely baffling because doesn’t jesus say the key “r” word right there at the end of the parable!?

yep. he does. but we’re so dense most of the time (like sheep?) that we miss it.

i mean, seriously, read that joker. did the one, lost, scared, dumb-founded little lamb actually do anything in the story? nope. not a single thing. s/he gets lost. and s/he gets found.

it’s not about repentance. it’s about GOD. it’s the same scandalous story of grace: GOD comes to us. and what’s more, he’s willing to leave behind (or…to not consider equality with GOD…) everything else in order to seek out and rescue us (for bar nasha came to seek and save the lost.)

so the phone rang. and one of the first things out of the bag was: we have about 30 minutes. now, i am not blaming the pastor of said local church – but i am hereby declaring my reason for just unloading a monstrosity of verbiage on the poor guy. anyone who knows me knows that i am a word addict; who are we kidding, nearly every barista at sbux knows this about me! but the fact remains, i came with a fury and, truth be told, i am not even sure i remember much of what i said.

i feel like i just tried to pour every ounce of my passions, story, life, and knowledge through the droid and across state lines in less than thirty minutes: the result was, at one point, a bit of vernacular confusion: maybe i misunderstood a question, or maybe i read in to the question something that wasn’t there…i don’t know. but i have since read through their entire membership packet, reread some portions of scripture in relation to the question, spoken, albeit briefly, with trisha (too briefly in fact. she is a deep well of knowledge, and a fantastic thermometer in discerning truth), and have been meditating on it pretty much since i hung up the phone.

the question was simply, “WHAT IS THE GOSPEL?”

now, now. don’t go getting all in a huffy criticizing me for not understanding the question. i have been a follower of yeshua – not always the closest follower, but always back there somewhere – for pert’ near a dozen years now. so i KNOW what the gospel is…but my overreactive little brain got the better of me, which isn’t entirely bad, and i processed his question as, “WHAT IS THE GOOD NEWS OF JESUS?” i heard one thing, but it came through a filter – as everything does. and i am not ashamed to say that, apparently, after so many years, i am beginning to have a somewhat eastern/jewish filter*. i heard one thing, but i reformed the question and responded to: “WHAT IS THE GOOD NEWS OF THE KINGDOM OF YESHUA?” let’s break this down:

WHAT IS THE GOSPEL?
for starters, gospel is the english equivalent of “good news” or euangelion in greek. eu = good + angelion = message. it’s how we arrive at evangelize, evangelist, and evangelism. and let’s be clear, all of these terms were redeemed and recreated by the mouth of yeshua – they are not christian terms. for example, we read from a roman account in 6 B.C.,

“Augustus has been sent to us as Savior. . . the birthday of the god Augustus has been for the whole world the beginning of the gospel.”

wow! it’s vitally important to understand that there were evangelists before paul: there was a gospel before yeshua: the feet of other messengers were bringing a a different gospel to peoples and nations proclaiming the way of rome: specifically a message of victory and peace through war, strength, and domination – complete with all of the roman hierarchies, ways, and systems of that kingdom.

so. that’s how i made the jump to, “GOOD NEWS.” and then of course, i just presumed he meant the good news of yeshua. which leads to the next deal,

WHAT IS THE GOOD NEWS OF YESHUA?
this is sort of a tricky question because, 1) the grammar can sneak up and bite ya! and B) because it invokes an enormously rich sense of wonder/history in the very name, yeshua/jesus.

are we asking what the good news about yeshua is? or are we asking what was the good news yeshua proclaimed?

and this is a critical difference.

most local churches and individuals find their default in the former: they understand the gospel of jesus to be, at least finding it’s beginning place in, his virgin birth, his sinless life, his atoning death, his very real burial, and his miraculous resurrection. and this, you need to believe in order to be saved. that is the gospel. that is the good news of jesus. i do not disagree with any of this, and in fact, proclaim it and live by it, in essence, with every breath i take: for i no longer live, but christ lives in me!

but understand this very real difference. that is not the good news yeshua proclaimed. it’s not even why he says he came. don’t stone me yet. hold on tight, this will be short and sweet**.

mark records at 1.14,15:

. . . yeshua came to the galilee, preaching the gospel of the kingdom of GOD/heaven, and saying, ‘the time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of GOD is at hand. repent, and believe in the gospel.’

matthew, after yeshua’s baptism and subsequent temptation in the wilderness records at 4.17:

from that time yeshua began to preach and to say, ‘repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.’

luke also records as yeshua is in a solitary place with people trying to keep him from leaving at 4:43:

but he (yeshua) said, ‘i must proclaim the good news of the kingdom of GOD to the other towns also, because that is why i was sent.’

so we see that yeshua’s good news (gospel) was in keeping with the vernacular of the day, it was about a kingdom: the kingdom of GOD/heaven. yeshua’s good news of the kingdom is then proclaimed, announced, and continued by a few different expressions: through parables/teaching, through miracles/healing, and through various fellowship experiences.

his message is that there is a new kingdom at hand: and what is this kingdom like!? it’s like…a pearl. dot, dot, dot. it’s like a woman who conceals yeast in dough. dot, dot, dot. it’s like, hey watch me as i am fully dressed in traditional jewish clothing proclaiming my cleanliness while i eat with matthew the tax collector and our friends who the religiously corrupt are proclaiming unclean. it’s like, healing the blind and raising the dead. it’s resurrection and redemption in every breath and at every turn and for every thing.

oh, and here’s the kicker: it comes not by way of the tyrannically oppressive powers, but through the meek: it’s like a mustard seed. it comes not by force and violence, but by service and love. it doesn’t even need to defend because it always protects. it doesn’t have to kill because it will die. and on and on and on.

the good news of the kingdom of heaven is what yeshua taught, shared, and lived. it was not actually about his birth, death, and resurrection: though this certainly became a prominent part of the teachings of the apostles and certainly needs to be proclaimed today. it’s what makes it possible for us to LIVE LIKE YESHUA: that is, to proclaim the same good news of the kingdom as yeshua, we have to be citizens of that kingdom! and there is only one way in to the kingdom and in to the family, through yeshua: and that, because we, too, have died with him, and are raised by that same power! he has made us righteous. messiah makes all things new!

okay. so maybe not so short. but still. pretty sweet, no?

needless to say, that’s how i arrived at, “WHAT IS THE GOOD NEWS OF THE KINGDOM OF YESHUA?”

exhale. breathe. so again, in the interest of clarity: there is nothing wrong with the phrase, THE GOSPEL OF YESHUA/JESUS/CHRIST, and i will still use that phrase, share that gospel…but it is not the same as THE GOOD NEWS OF THE KINGDOM OF HEAVEN THAT YESHUA PROCLAIMED…for example.

and, to be honest, the way i read the old and new covenants, i think it’s fair to say, the gospel of christ is contained within the gospel of the kingdom of heaven and not the other way around. no matter what, it finds it’s purpose in CHRIST. for as john 1.1 declares, in the beginning was the logos, the word, and the logos was with GOD and the logos was GOD – where yeshua is that logos! and paul writes in colossians 1.17 that in him (yeshua/christ) all things hold together.

–

so. i don’t know if i will have a second interview with this pastor/local church – but i am incredibly thankful for the pursuit he pushed me toward this afternoon. i have no doubt we believe the same thing(s), but, at the time,  i had something else in mind, haha!

i welcome your thoughts, questions, and insight. what say you?

–

*by beginning, i mean, i recognize there is a wealth of history and knowledge and resources and prayers that i have yet to even crack. but. i also know that my heart is slowly becoming aligned with GOD’s heart for israel and i have developed a humble appreciation and respect that warrants more study of the ancient eastern histories, people, and the jewish people as a whole.

**you’re not really expecting this to be short, are you?

the low-down is basically a walk through matthew’s accounts and the various uses of the truly epic and oft-misunderstood phrase, “the kingdom of heaven/GOD.”

taking a page out of the rabbinical school of study, we’re first looking closely at the law of first mention(s) – both in the first and new covenants, considering the radical* birth of the kingdom of heaven/GOD and the inherent questions it raises for us today.

i am using the word ‘lost’ because as much as yochanan (john), yeshua (jesus), and the apostles used the phrase [kingdom of heaven/GOD], it seems the body of christ has largely swept it under the gospel-rug. and make no mistake, yochanan was certainly not the first one to coin that phrase: it stems from a history of empire and power and spheres of power or control; what may also be described as the dome of a king: a kingdom.

i am also using the word ‘lost’ because many of the symbols themselves have been, in a sense, lost unto us 21st century sojourners of the way: followers of the christ. we read his parables, we envision his symbols, then our minds go blank as we search for a mustard seed and plant around our neighborhoods in suburbia, and finally (most of us) skip – er, skim – the rest of the chapter, taking refuge with a familiar verse from psalms. note the bit of sarcasm…

we live in such a dome today. a nation of boundaries governed by a modern-day king-of-sorts: a president: one who presides, sits in front of.

it would not be far-fetched to say that we find our legal citizenship in the kingdom of america, for example.

so, does it matter and what does it mean that there exists another kingdom in the very midst of the one we’re in? how are we to make our living in light of this reality? etcetera and ellipsis.

Q/ what is the most recent conversation you have had regarding the “kingdom of heaven/GOD?” or do you find that you are not having very many conversations at all about it?

*radical. used here not to elicit images of mohawks or lady gaga; rather, in reference to the word’s origin, from radish: of or having roots. that is, being radical or, going back to the roots, to the beginning.

“Somewhere along the way the movement of Jesus Christ became civilized as Christianity…” – Erwin McManus, The Barbarian Way

+

add this to the running list of church taboos: freedom.

how dare we teach people that they are free! or so says many a church-folk today.

freedom, what an ironic word! it carries the weight of a thousand implications; the burden of change riding boldly on its back.

but somewhere along the way…yes, somewhere along her journey, the church, like the children of israel, shrunk back in fear rather than humbly moving forward in faith; fear has a way of paralyzing even the most confident of souls, while faith graciously propels us forward. so this shrinking back, this outward act of fear, produced another kind of fear: the fear to be truly free.

we are frequently offended that the christ actually did what he said he would do: set us free.

[selah]

for the blind man, his freedom to sight meant that he was now responsible for what he looked at. or didn’t look at.

for the lame man, his freedom to mobility meant that he was now responsible for where he went. or did not choose to go.

for the leper, her freedom to intimacy meant that she was now responsible for who she let get close. or did not.

[selah]

for me. for you. for us. our freedoms open so many doors: and that, to be honest, is kind of scary. sometimes, real scary. but this is not the totality of it all. because, if freedom only produces fear, it is a freedom not rooted in faith; the freedom that the christ gives, is an all encompassing freedom: it is for freedom that he has set us free: why would he free us from one thing only to be enslaved by another when his desire is that we be free from all things because we are placed in him – the one who brings freedom?

for me. for you. for us. our freedoms open so many doors: and that, to be honest, is kind of scary. because we fear that we will return to adamic ways: failure. we are afraid that we’ll mess everything up! (and sometimes we mess a lot up – only GOD is everything, and we are no where near powerful enough to mess him up.)

but again. when we see those chains of the world (guilt, shame, fear, etcetera) for where and what they truly are (broken and laying at our feet) and we see our god for who he truly is (loving, compassionate, and abounding in grace) we can move forward in freedom and faith. we can move into deeper intimacy with YHWH.

freedom in and through the christ is not something to be feared when we remember we’re all sons and daughters of the king of kings of kings. we’ve been forgiven millions. we are being loved and rescued and made righteous always and forever.

we’re not only on a journey – our GOD is the journey. he is the truth. he is the life. and it is for freedom that he has set us free.

your thoughts?

–

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHWH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

Who Do You Say Jesus Is: Nashville

+

is this not the most elemental and fundamental of all questions? who do you say jesus is? period.

a friend of mine wanted to know what “the average person” walking the streets of nashville had to say in response to that question. so, wielding a handheld video camera and a stack of notecards, we took to the night.

“hey, excuse me. would you mind answering a question for us?”

“ummm…”

“we’re just curious to see what people have to say. if you want, you can simply answer the question and walk away. we’re not here to argue. we genuinely want to listen.”

“okay.”

“we’ll hand you a card. just flip it over, read out loud what is printed on it, and then give your response.”

a flood of responses began falling from people’s mouths: from the epic and chilling to the mundane and sad.

on the back of the card we had the website information that would lead anyone with ears to hear to the youtube video posted above.

i believe this question, more than any other question in all of history, is what matters most. i believe this question brings the kingdom of heaven to the kingdoms of earth in a provoking way. it disturbs everyone: that is, it moves everyone: to think (or rethink) and respond.

so what about you? who do you say yeshua is?

[selah]

simon peter, in good ole simon-peter fashion, steps up and puts it all on the line: he answered his rabbi by proclaiming, “you are meshiach.” what i love about this exchange is that simon peter answers this question in the company of his peers! i kind of imagine there being the awkward silence between yeshua’s question and peter’s response…and then even more awkward silence when he squeezes out his last word.

i wonder how long did yeshua let him hang there. did it feel like an eternity? did he have time to doubt, second guess himself? it wouldn’t surprise me. after all, though he recently walked on water,  but he also recently “began to sink”. (matthew 14.29, 30)

no one else got out of the boat to walk toward yeshua. and apparently, no one else got up the courage to put forth their response to that question.

make no mistake. it absolutely does take courage to answer that question. every morning it takes courage, i believe. why? because: it always leads to an incredible amount of other questions.

if you are messiah… if you ARE the son of the only living god, YHWH… what now? what about today? if you really do heal… what do i do now that i’ve received that healing!? if you really do make all things new… then am i to actually start fresh, even though i feel so attached to my worries from yesterday or my anxieties about tomorrow? if you truly forgive… now am i supposed to just up and forgive those who have wronged me? if you lead like a rabbi… if your kingdom is a reality… if you care more about your glory and the redemption of the world… if you love us…

and the questions will come like a torrent. and though you may feel overwhelmed. even as you are being swept over, you will be cleansed by that torrent: if you say yeshua is messiah.

–

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHWH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

“The LORD Almighty is the one you are to regard as holy, he is the one you are to fear, he is the one you are to dread.” – isaiah 8.13

“God said to Moses, ‘I AM WHO I AM’. This is what you are to say to the Israelites: ‘I AM has sent me to you.’” – exodus 3.14

+

prophets did not go around saying, “the vision said to me.” “the dream spoke to me.” no. it is, “The LORD declares.” “YHWH is his name.”

in days of old, names did more than mean something. they meant everything. it was a microcosm of your self and your story. it was tied like a knot to your personal ethos, your destiny, your soul.

i wonder if we, the church, have been clouding our vision of GOD’s power (for he has certainly lost none) by not claiming his name: i wonder if there are even times when we receive not his power, because we do not claim it.

ambiguity often breeds confusion. this is true of businesses, mission statements, church discipleship processes (see: the simple church), life goals, housing blueprints, recipes for the greatest steak in the world (i heart steak with all my love), or instructions on how to assemble a seemingly simple baby crib. and i have come to this conclusion, often times, the bride simply calls her groom: groom. and it is downright ambiguous.

we sometimes do this when we replace him with the bible. (“the bible says…”)

they are not the same thing. a close second would be “GOD’s word/s” (which are conveyed by the “bible”), but there is nothing special about the pages or the red ink themselves. everything rests on WHO said those things, WHO gave the visions to the prophets, and WHO spoke the radical stories and healing words into the beautiful mess of the souls of men and women.

[selah]

stay with me for this jump: the kingdom of darkness comes only to steal, kill, and destroy: could it be that the kingdom of darkness is slowly drowning out the name of the god of abraham, isaac, and jacob? perhaps that lying lover of pleasure wants the bride to call her groom: groom.

i have challenged myself to be more courageous (specific) in using an actual name of his: YHWH, I AM, ADONAI, YESHUA, HOLY SPIRIT, etc. and so on. yes, the light of this challenge extends to the deepest, darkest parts of my journey because it literally calls out the very promises he has made! at least for me, i have found that it moves my relationship to a place of intimacy.

it is possible that, for you, the word, “god” has come to mean much more than “a deity” or even “the deity”. and if that is the case, more power to you :] that’s why this is a bit of a soapbox. it’s my soapbox. and i am stepping down now.

so what are your thoughts?

–

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHWH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

“Let those who dwell in the dust / wake up and shout for joy…” – Isaiah 26.19

“Little girl, I say to you, get up!” – Yeshua to the dead daughter of Jairus

+

for some time now, i have had this grand dream of writing a book. a short book, no doubt, but a book nonetheless. along the way, many chapters have been titled and many chapters have been given the ole backspace protocol. many ideas have been born, some better and more economically beneficial than others: it’s a hard thing writing a book.

however, the central theme has remained the same: resurrection always follows death: only the sleeper can awaken: guilt must be plead in order to receive mercy.

and as with most recurring experiences along the quest in the kingdom, if it is an overarching principle, it is probably a daily principle: if it is true for a thousand days, then it is probably true for a single day.

so it is with salvation. so it is with resurrection. so it is with prayer. and on and on.

i am reminded every day of GOD’s desire to restore and heal and bring shalom. i don’t think i am worthy, but i know i am not worthless, either. this gem of a truth wrecks me most days: GOD is interested in restoring and redeeming all things, and for some insane reason, he uses people as unworthy as myself to be a part of this movement.

but you can’t be healed unless you’re broken. the seed can’t give birth to life, except it die. GOD says he is our shield, but a shield only protects that which is behind it; we must see ourselves as being in constant need of rescue if we are to live lives outside of the grave, with new eyes and GOD as our shield.

yeshua’s own words to the little girl in mark five are absolutely proposterous when you consider that he was actually speaking to a dead girl. why speak to a dead girl in the first place…unless you first believe you have the power to raise her?! then comes the precious words: little girl, i say to you, get up! talitha koum.

selah.

and i believe, to a point, these are the words the spirit of yeshua speaks to each of his followers at each new dawn. rise from your sleep, δευτε οπισω μου, cast off the grave clothes and let’s bring this kingdom of heaven to all the hells we’ll encounter…beginning with those places nearest your own heart and mind.

i desperately want to make loving GOD and loving others my only purpose(s) in life. i know i have hurt so many people along the way and across the years, and it is often hard to press on when the voices of this world remind me of the damage my hands and words have wrought. but then blows a gentle wind, the very πνευμα of GOD, and i am reminded that, lo and behold, i am a ‘son of the resurrection’. when my hands are busy holding onto GOD, i find i must put down any stones still in my palms: either the stone of burden, or the stone of accusation.

“for when heaven comes, i swear it comes in love.” – as cities burn

–

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHWH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

“Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it / Prone to leave the God I love” – R.F.

-

it seems there is a very real landscape to our prayers. there exists, along the journey of every follower of jesus, many different ‘places’ we are found in prayer. places we go. places we can be still in. places we can wander from. some, physical places with tangible anchors to a very real world; others, invisible places built in our minds and hearts to open our eyes and ears. do you know of these places?

i find it fascinating that jesus goes to “a desert place”. a solitary place. and there he prayed. so was he not in a state of prayer beforehand? i don’t believe so; i believe that he understood better than anyone the delicate art of living and walking and moving and breathing in the spirit: in keeping company with, GOD.

the desert place. a place, perhaps, where the wind is not obscured by the buildings erected by the hands of men. a place where whispers are sacred and silence gives birth to an oasis of conversation. and there he prayed.

[selah]

the desert place, while it was still dark. a place in time as well as a place in space. some translations even suggest that he left in the middle of the night: which, for the ancient jew, was the beginning of their day (at sunset). it’s almost as if jesus were getting up early to join his father in the work he was doing. it’s comforting to know that the light of the world went into a dark, deserted place, and there he prayed.

it is usually in those places that i am prone to wander. i can feel it. immediately, my senses betray me and i want to rush back to the world i know, instead of to the GOD i love. i find i am easily satisfied by 60 watts of artificial ‘daylight’. and many times, i would rather hear a dull voice, over a still voice.

[selah]

but oh that i would be found praying. in all places, of course. but in the desert place. in the dark. early. there, praying. with my face near the ground and my heart broken and contrite. while the trees are listening and the waves are mere lines before me. there, praying.

“…and lead us not into the place of temptation (massah)…” that is, the place where we doubt that you are there.

for even when all is still dark. when my eyes deny your presence, deliver me, i pray!

–

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHVH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

i wonder: would i recognize jesus if he walked past me in target? assuming he were not dressed like a 1st century jewish man. i wonder if would recognize jesus if i overheard him speaking to a group of twenty-somethings at a local coffee shop.

would you? would i? are our expectations of him accurate?

john the baptizer’s disciples sent word to yeshua (jesus) asking if he were the ‘expected one’. i like the fact that this question is included in these ancient writings: it makes it current and cuts to the heart.

it was clear that they were, at the very least, unsure about his messiahship. my research suggests they had good cause: his disciples did not fast or participate in some of the more austere habits as other disciples; he and his disciples surrounded themselves with people no one in their right mind should surround themselves with; he did not always speak highly of those in places of religious authority; and he was not ‘learnt in the letters’, that is, he was not the best educated by their standards.

and yet. he was committed to love. lived a life of simplicity. taught as one with authority. performed countless miracles. became a voice for the voiceless. he embodied grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

it leads to so many other questions, in my opinion.

if he were actually walking this earth, where would he be found? moreover, would i dare go there? would he be outside of a strip club? or sitting at a bar? might he be standing at a well-established church, criticizing those who have never ‘lifted a finger for the gasping weaker’? maybe in washington d.c. befriending the crooked politicians and ‘tax-collectors’? perhaps, breaking bread with a group of addicts down in tent city? or even enjoying a day in the park with a family and their newborn daughter?

yeshua said that when he ascended, those left here would do even greater things than he did. it’s obvious, of course, that this is possible not because we will become greater than him (for a servant is never greater than his master) – but that we would, by the spirit of GOD in us, be able to literally cover more ground than he did: we are able to eat with those addicts while also befriending the tax-collectors while also enjoying a day with our families while also conversating with church leaders while also serving the homeless while also writing a poem while also watching the sun rise – really watching the sun rise.

so i am left wondering, do i even recognize who i am in messiah: in christ: in him. to be honest, some moments i do recognize, i do catch a glimpse. and some moments i look like an ‘empty shell of a man’.

when people meet us, i believe the question should be, “are you like the one, or should we expect someone else?”

our response, a very heavy and humbling response, should be, “tell me what you see.”

+

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHVH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

for three years, give or take, he had been ‘making a pattern’ of himself. three years of eastern discipleship: conversari: living life with and keeping company with this small band of broken souls. three years of pouring himself out.

and then the week of passover. which is a week of waiting. a week of watching. and up he takes his small band of broken souls. right there, in their midst, he proceeds to serve them and love them.

you can almost feel the air of difference; heaviness which hangs on his every word. he takes the bread, breaks it, and gives thanks. and the wine, holds it up, and give thanks – which was unnecessary, really, because he had already given thanks the first time – and with these actions, he unfolds a pattern of: eating and drinking? no. he reveals an isolated symbol for what would later be called communion? no.

i think a close reading of the entire gospels will lead any person with eyes to see and ears to hear to a deeper and more abundant truth: he was poetically, at the very least, reiterating with the symbols of bread and wine, the last three (or thirty) years of his life: after which he says, do this in remembrance of me.

do what? do all this. the breaking of yourself for the healing of others. the pouring of yourself out so that othes can be filled. do this. do that. as you remember me.

[selah]

now a disclaimer. i am not a good example of what this looks like. i want to be. i am trying to be. it is, as many things on this journey, simple but not easy. you don’t have to call me a hypocrite, i have my own mirror. but i do know this: when we all are yielding to spirit of messiah in us: we will be a good example of doing this in remembrance of him who lives in us now.