alas, my thoughts from the napkins transferred to the moleskine,

the church, by definition, is a people; not a person – and certainly not a structure.

sure, there is a time and a place for “the individual” and segregated prayers of “yours” and “mine.” but perhaps sunday morning (or whenever your local church decides to corporately gather) is not the place to proclaim the cause of “you” or “me.”

perhaps, when we come together we ought to be together. our songs should join our hearts and declare that which is and that which we hope will be.

[selah]

we are always moving from the language, and indeed the reality, of i am to we are because I AM.

and yes, i do need yeshua – but never more than we need him together. yes, he did die for me and you, but his purpose was to make one new humanity, blessed be his name!

[selah]

so. practically speaking – and trying to put my proverbial money where my mouth is (after all, being highly unemployed, proverbial money is almost all we have these days, haha! rimshot, please) – a couple ways this meditation is working itself out in my life is through a renewed commitment to corporate worship.

what does that mean? for starters, we are being intentional about not calling the place we wosrhip, “church” around our children: we go to a building on sunday mornings to worship with the church. this is the language i want owen and olivia to be hearing. my hope is that in years to come, we won’t have to have the “church is not a building but a people” conversation.

additionally, in a lifelong effort of trying to be present with YHWH in the midst of a gathering service, i am convinced that part of what this looks like is singing songs and praying prayers toward the community: replacing the singulars with plurals.

“a thousand times i’ve failed, still your mercy remains / and should i stumble again, i’m caught in your grace” – hillsong

we all know these lyrics – and they are SO powerful, beautiful, and true; this is not a question of truth, but of accuracy: in my car, these lyrics are accurate, but as i am standing in the midst of a thousand other souls literally joined together as the kingdom of heaven, they somehow don’t fit quite as well as they could…

“a thousand times we’ve failed, still your mercy remains / and should we stumble again, we’re caught in your grace”

automatically, this slight change, i believe, causes us to remember both the sins and redemption of our entire community! it brings to mind the immediacy of the situations around us: it reminds us that we are not alone – even in our failings, even in our rising with grace – we are a body together, not separate.

and the lyric examples go on and on. my point through all of this is that we are to be intentional (mindful, perhaps) worshipers who worship in spirit and in truth. the beautifully ironic thing is that this may look different for you, but no matter how it looks, it will affect those around you.

at any rate, take these thoughts and discern what you will and apply what you feel GOD says you should: that we all may become a clearer picture of the christ and a more tangible body of the risen king of kings of kings.

–

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHWH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

i wonder: would i recognize jesus if he walked past me in target? assuming he were not dressed like a 1st century jewish man. i wonder if would recognize jesus if i overheard him speaking to a group of twenty-somethings at a local coffee shop.

would you? would i? are our expectations of him accurate?

john the baptizer’s disciples sent word to yeshua (jesus) asking if he were the ‘expected one’. i like the fact that this question is included in these ancient writings: it makes it current and cuts to the heart.

it was clear that they were, at the very least, unsure about his messiahship. my research suggests they had good cause: his disciples did not fast or participate in some of the more austere habits as other disciples; he and his disciples surrounded themselves with people no one in their right mind should surround themselves with; he did not always speak highly of those in places of religious authority; and he was not ‘learnt in the letters’, that is, he was not the best educated by their standards.

and yet. he was committed to love. lived a life of simplicity. taught as one with authority. performed countless miracles. became a voice for the voiceless. he embodied grace, mercy, and forgiveness.

it leads to so many other questions, in my opinion.

if he were actually walking this earth, where would he be found? moreover, would i dare go there? would he be outside of a strip club? or sitting at a bar? might he be standing at a well-established church, criticizing those who have never ‘lifted a finger for the gasping weaker’? maybe in washington d.c. befriending the crooked politicians and ‘tax-collectors’? perhaps, breaking bread with a group of addicts down in tent city? or even enjoying a day in the park with a family and their newborn daughter?

yeshua said that when he ascended, those left here would do even greater things than he did. it’s obvious, of course, that this is possible not because we will become greater than him (for a servant is never greater than his master) – but that we would, by the spirit of GOD in us, be able to literally cover more ground than he did: we are able to eat with those addicts while also befriending the tax-collectors while also enjoying a day with our families while also conversating with church leaders while also serving the homeless while also writing a poem while also watching the sun rise – really watching the sun rise.

so i am left wondering, do i even recognize who i am in messiah: in christ: in him. to be honest, some moments i do recognize, i do catch a glimpse. and some moments i look like an ‘empty shell of a man’.

when people meet us, i believe the question should be, “are you like the one, or should we expect someone else?”

our response, a very heavy and humbling response, should be, “tell me what you see.”

+

despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHVH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.