“it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it.” – every mom and dad.

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i vehemently challenge that statement :]

words are symbols: symbols are the foundation of a language: language is the foundation of a culture: culture shapes our worldview: worldviews greatly influence and shape our future/choices.

what we say is just as important as how we say it. which has led me to think a little more carefully about the inclusion of some words/phrases in my vocabulary.

for example:

“the bible says.”

we can play the, “well it’s not what i meant” game until we’re blue in the face. but at the end of the night, we both just have blue sharpie all over our faces and it’s just going to mess up our pillow cases! the fact is: the bible doesn’t say anything: the bible doesn’t speak. there’s no special christianized ink sitting next to the testamints to be used in bibles which causes one to hear the voice of the invisible caps-lock GOD.

GOD speaks.

what we’re doing is becoming a church who is relying on what the bible says instead of what GOD says.

the difference is found in the valves (medical funny implied to subconsciously render within your mind the symbol-word-image: heart). people who know GOD and are found listening for his voice versus people who know what the bible says and are found quoting a book.

what a great reminder when we read that we are called to write the law “on our hearts.” it’s always been a heart issue connected to another heart: GOD’s heart.

when was the last time you wrote a paper and cited “the book” as a reference? never. because that is not APA- or MLA-friendly, folks. the author of the book gets the credit/criticism for what s/he committed to writing.

so it is with GOD. i’m not debasing our scriptures. they are holy. but not because of any ink or leather or translation. they’re holy because GOD chose and chooses to speak in and through those words and those stories even unto this day.

may we be a people known for knowing GOD and hearing his heart (which will often be revealed through his word(s)) instead of just a bunch of people who can quote a book – no matter how holy.

other phrases on this abbreviated hit list include,

“i don’t care.” as in, “what pizza joint do you want to order from? – i don’t care.”

because. words begin to bleed through different parts of our lives. just watch how many times a day you or your friends are using this phrase in any given day: it’s usually astounding! no wonder we can so easily become apathetic and lethargic: we don’t care.

oh, that we would be a people who care.

“i’m starving!”

this is old hat by now. but still, i catch myself saying it. and, honestly, we are clearly not starving: and other people around the world (or down the street) are, in fact, literally starving to death or are slaves of tyrannical systems that keep them on that inevitable path.

may we think twice about using this phrase in vanity: and forgive us, oh GOD, for invoking such a truth without acting upon it with mercy and justice.

Q/ what are some phrases/words that you have intentionally been removing/adding to your vocabulary?

new wine is here, new life is come. be
found, o wedding of cana, in me and
be found in us.

a new time is here, new life is come. be
found, o wine of yeshua, in me and
be found in us.

feel the grapes of favor beneath your
feet, may we not contain the life with-
in. may it flow into the gutters of her
street: she who is homeless and with-
need.

feel the grapes of wrath beneath your
feet, you who are hung over from self-
righteousness. may we sober up only to
see clearly the wine we so desperately-
need.

new wine is here, new life is come. be
found, o feet, stained with the evidence
of nights in the press,

a new time is here, new life is come. be
found, o body, numbered among the best
of those who transgress,

behold, drunkards are thirsty for life and
prostitutes long to be wined and dined and
the bride has been avoiding the vineyard and
we are altogether in need of being together again.

(c)  justin p. heap, 2010

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this is the fourth in the ‘kingdom confessions series’, where i, ii, and iii can be found there.

also, presently compiling and writing poems, essays, and other collections of words to be used in a self-published book – more for an historical account than anything else…but hey, you got to start somewhere!

anyways, here’s to drinking real wine and being found knee-deep in the winepress in the middle of the vineyard! cheers!

Q/ so what wine do you drink, anyway?

these have found a longstanding home in my journal, and are presently being rolled around inside my head and heart. i’ll disclose full links when possible, or when i care to, or at least when, in actuality, i do.

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leslie newbigin remarked, “the only hermeneutic of the gospel is a congregation of men and women who believe it and live by it.”

from rumi i have stolen this, “come, come, whoever you are. wanderer, worshiper, lover of leaving. it doesn’t matter. ours is not a caravan of despair. come, even if you have broken your vows a thousand times. come, yet again, come, come.”

these last words of a fictional character still haunt me to this day, “i am concerned only over one thing. i hope you will be wholehearted, not torn in two.” – abuyah to his son elisha in milton steinberg’s novel, as a driven leaf. also reminiscent of “you cannot serve two masters…”.

danny silk on parenting reminds me that, “the goal is not to control the child, but to control ourselves. to be self-controlled; to give them (the child) a model of a well-put together adult…and prepare them to live in the kingdom of GOD: in the presence of the LORD: and where the presence of the LORD is, there is freedom and liberty.”

in a dream, i had this thought, “faith without works is as running without movement.” i guess this is a dead giveaway that our local church has been walking through the letter of james lately. haha!

amazon is currently selling 143 Kindle books for every 100 hardcover volumes.

mumford and sons’ lyrics remind me who GOD is when they sing, “love will not betray, dismay or enslave you / it will set you free / to be more like the man / you were meant to be” – 1 john 4.16, i mean, what do we do with that, really?

i am not going to reinvent the prodigal wheel.

this is not a comprehensive or exhaustive look into the parable.
this is not a high-level, thematic overview of the parable.
this is not a “stealing of the thunder” from someone else.
this is not a major-point review.
this may not even be all that and a bag of chips.
actually, i am quite certain no bag of chips will be provided at this time.

this is just a few (and sometimes fircenjistory (first-century-jewish-history)) little tidbits i must have either stolen from some wiser people than i or which GOD decided to throw my way because, well, he wanted to, i guess.

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v12. the younger one said to his father, ‘father, give me my share of the estate.’ so he divided his property between them.

the oft-sung high note here is the audacity of the son to ask for his inheritance before the father’s death! which, continues to shock me even to this day. you didn’t receive an inheritance (still much like today) unless someone has died. so, yes, to echo so many sages before me, the younger son is, in essence, saying, “i wish you would just keel over and die!”

perhaps equally baffling though, is the fact that it was never the younger son’s place to seek the inheritance – it was the elder.

but the pinnacle of shock has to be the next line, which in greek, uncovers a most revealing characteristic of the father: dielen autois ton bion // he divided to them the life. which is in essence, keeling over and dying! see, not only does he give the younger son what would be due him, but he also gave the elder son his inheritance – which would have been a double portion! by all accounts, the father gives up his livelihood, his income, his life to his sons – right from the start of this story.

v13. he (the younger son) squandered his wealth in wild living.

i remember kent dobson once saying the younger son ‘threw his life away.’ in greek we read, kai ekei dieskorpisen tên ousian // and he scattered/thew/wasted the goods/substance/what one has.

dang-son. so the father gave his bion up, his life away – where the younger son wasted his ousian, his goods, his substance.

v20. So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

obviously, one of the more commonly extracted verses – because it is DANG awesome. but i only add this here in order to set up a theme that we miss later on. just think: this is the father debasing himself in front of the town: this is the father pouring himself out before the son: this is mercy and grace. (“but i knew that” you say…)

v25 ff. Meanwhile, the older son was in the field. When he came near the house, he heard music and dancing. So he called one of the servants and asked him what was going on. ‘Your brother has come,’ he replied, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf because he has him back safe and sound.’  The older brother became angry and refused to go in. So his father went out and pleaded with him.

there is a wealth of hidden beauty in this section. because it reveals a monster of a truth that so often gets passed over.

the older son heard music and dancing because it’s not just a house party – it’s a town party! notice the father has killed the fattened calf – a calf would feed a grip of people, especially considering it was accompanied by other foods, sides, wines, etc. haha. so there’s a good ole fashioned town party on the land and in the house of this father.

then, the older brother gets angry. and refuses to go in. this is astonishing to 1st century ears. you would absolutely not have refused to show up at party your own father was throwing! it was dishonoring.

what’s more is: the father comes outside and ‘pleaded’ with him (!*) – or in greek, parekalei, he begs him. also astonishing to first century ears…and eyes.

this is the second time, not the first and not the only time, when the father responds by casting off constraint and visibly debasing himself in front of others (remember, at least the servants were present for this little episode), and responding with mercy and grace! is this not amazing!? we usually only focus on the younger son’s return – but it’s always been about the mercy and grace of the father anyway – as demonstrated by this episode.

v29-30. But he answered his father, ‘Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him!’.

oh boy. here comes the mopey little whine, right? well. yes and no. yes, he’s totally whining, going on calling himself a “slave” – lower than the servants…and how he never even got a “little goat”. i mean, come on dude, you got your DOUBLE PORTION of the inheritance! everything is yours. give me a break! and i love how he says, “i have never disobeyed your orders.” uh, except for this very time when i am refusing to go in to your own party…lol.

but, to be fair, he has made a judgment about his father. and he has been living his entire days based on this judgment: he believes his father to be a fair and strong father. you know, sort of black and white, this is the deal kind of guy. and all the sudden, his younger brother returns home and every rule appears to be thrown out in the interest of “he’s alive.”

the scene unfolding before us is speaking for the father, “but son, i have always been compassionate and merciful.”

and how about the prostitute bit? the text never drops any such word until this point. no one ever said anything about prostitutes. “wild living” doesn’t necessarily imply sexually immoral. the idea is riotous living, dissolutely – careless living. and i am not saying it didn’t include such nights with prostitutes: but the older son throws it out there without even having a conversation with his brother! some scholars suggest this is meant to reveal the degree of coldness within this older brother’s heart (much like his younger counterpart).

v31-32. ‘My son,’ the father said, ‘you are always with me, and everything I have is yours. But we had to celebrate and be glad, because this brother of yours was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found.’

in case we’ve not got the gist by now: this is a parable. perhaps a little of it would have been ‘based on a true story’ considering all the details…but that is not the point. the point is: it’s a parable: and this parable, like other parables: is about something else.

the older son would represent israel. the jewish people, GOD’s beloved.

the younger son would represent the gentiles. those ‘earnestly pressing in to the kingdom, and taking it with force…’ the yous and mes.

and the father, well, he’s always been compassionate and merciful. he gives us his very life.

this could just as easily be entitled, ‘the angry son’ as ‘the prodigal son’. but neither would be fully correct. the previous two parables (lost sheep, lost coin) are about something be simply lost, and simply found and the resulting celebrations. i think that theme fits equally well here. simply lost, simply found, simply celebratory!

Q/ are we simply celebratory over being simply found by the incredibly compassionate and merciful GOD of gods?

2 But the Pharisees and the teachers of the law muttered, “This man welcomes sinners and eats with them.”
3 Then Jesus told them this parable:4 “Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Doesn’t he leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?5 And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders 6 and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.’

7 I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

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you know you’re reading GOD’s words when the same passage you’ve already read a dozen times before reveals a glaring obvious truth. glaring, i do declare!

how many of you have read this parable from luke 15? at least two of you, right? okay good. and myself makes three.

did you ever notice what happens to the ninety-nine sheep!?

be honest.

they get left in the “open country” – which is a really fancy way of saying, the wilderness! and by left, i mean, after the shepherd finds the ONE, he goes…HOME!

the wilderness/eramos/open country carries the meanings of solitary, lonely, desolate, uninhabited. and wouldn’t you know it, leaving sheep in the wilderness untended is a sheep-herding no-no from day 1. rattlesnakes, wolves, and just the fact that sheep are dumb, is enough for any shepherd to know better.

(and besides, let’s be honest: if you actually have a hundred sheep – count them, one-puffy-white-lamb-loving hundred! – do you really need to find one!?)

but back to my point. may we all come to see that the 99 is really just an elaborate hoax of sorts.

i mean. think about it. yeshua clearly says “I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.” . and tell me, have you ever known anyone without the need for repentance?

no. they don’t exist. and neither do the 99 sheep. it’s a hoax. it’s a tell-all mirror. if you think you are righteous, then you are gravely mistaken. likewise, if you think you’ve been left behind, then you are, in fact, lost. and friends, if you’re lost, then you’re just like the one single sheep. we all are! we’re all lost. only when we deceive ourselves do we think we are righteous on our own: only when we deceive ourselves do we think we exist as the 99. the 99 don’t exist.

and another thing. this parable (and the next) is not about repentance. haha! is that not ridiculous? and grace-laden? and completely baffling because doesn’t jesus say the key “r” word right there at the end of the parable!?

yep. he does. but we’re so dense most of the time (like sheep?) that we miss it.

i mean, seriously, read that joker. did the one, lost, scared, dumb-founded little lamb actually do anything in the story? nope. not a single thing. s/he gets lost. and s/he gets found.

it’s not about repentance. it’s about GOD. it’s the same scandalous story of grace: GOD comes to us. and what’s more, he’s willing to leave behind (or…to not consider equality with GOD…) everything else in order to seek out and rescue us (for bar nasha came to seek and save the lost.)

as part of a second-round interview process with a local church i was asked to provide a few things: my philosophy of (vocational) ministry, a few mp3′s of conversations/talks, and my vision statement.

i have just revisited my philosophy of vocational ministry – in the form of moonshine, nonetheless! i can burn some mp3′s no problem. but a formal sort of vision “statement” would be new ground to break. not that i haven’t had a “vision” per se. but i have never formulated said vision into a living, breathing, statement of sorts.

and so began a prayer-induced, somewhat critical look into this thing called, ‘a vision statement.’

long story short. i did what any justin heap would do:  i waded in to the deep etymology of vision. of course, it resulted in things like chazown (hebrew), horasis (greek), google goggles (not really, but still, a VERY cool google labs mobile development app) and a general search of where/how this word is used throughout the scriptures.

next was to hit up some of my web-connected local churches i follow and review their vision statements.

and then i just listened…it’s a lot like standing at an overpass on I-40E: a lot of motion, sounds and colors all fighting for your attention: but one thing remains constant: the road beneath. and if one were to look a bit more intensely, one might find what has been there all along: a grey canvas with cracks, grooves, and (dis)coloration: a canvas existing beneath the chaos in perfect quietness, receiving the traffic with a grace all it’s own.

my experience was kind of like that. and what follows is that canvas of constant, with it’s cracks, no doubt – but it’s at least something honest and concrete to begin with – and hopefully – to live with: something that can withstand the traffic of life, so to speak.

first what i came to understand/see: a vision, as understood against the story of scripture, is a specific dream or hope for a specific people, tribe, land, etc. it’s not a goal. it’s not a motto. it’s not even actually a statement, per se. it’s a divine picture.

then what i noticed: a lot of local churches confuse vision with mission. or vision with doctrine. or vision with a slogan. or all of the above. again, it’s not so much a picture for their community and city as much as it is a goal to be achieved or a bullet point to check off – very little conveyance of a dream or a hope or a picture at all – and in some cases, not even really about their community.

but then i saw/heard: a vision “statement” if there is to be one, should exist as an organic response to this question: TELL ME, WHAT DO YOU SEE for this people/community?

selah.

(i wonder if too many people looking to take up the joyous burden of vocational ministry don’t consider this question with the respect it’s due: is it possible that GOD has not given you a vision for/of this people and this community at this time in history? you shouldn’t have to force that vision. it’s a divine picture, which implies that it didn’t come from you! haha.)

so i prayed and ate that question. with a certain amount of tip-toeing into the question, because i recognized that GOD may not have a divine picture to give me for this certain local church. but i was willing to ask the question. (i think we must be willing to ask that question, and even continue asking that question throughout our journey as leaders in the local church.)

but i did see a divine picture, born, yes, out of my research and life experiences, but also given life by the city in which i live, the gospel which i preach, the parables of yeshua specifically, and the last few days of prayer…so, after a few drafts of putting it into words, this is the word-picture, the:

i saw wounded healers and generous thieves serving and loving their neighbors well; where we are literally becoming GOD’s will being done on earth as we are forgiving completely, living vulnerably, and seeking to ruin every one and every thing for anyone other than YHWH. behold, even the very skyline of !@#$%^&* is becoming new!

and finally, i heard a follow up question: in a succinct and incredibly distilled phrase, how does that picture/vision become a reality? and again, these words took shape:

by following hard after and falling madly in love with yeshua.

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i have been living most of my days vicariously through matthew the last couple of months. my fear is that i will only become familiar with the words while never drawing nearer the word.

but as yeshua has continued to gently remind us: everyone will know us by our love: just as a tree/vine is known by it’s fruit.

when we follow/akoloutheo yeshua, we attach ourselves to him; it shares it’s meaning with a most political concept: that of choosing a side, or a party. and in world where yeshua is the king of kings of kings, once we choose that side, we can be sure we will face either embrace or persecution.

when we love the way he loved, we will inevitable look undeniably foolish to some, and unbelievably free to others. when we serve GOD and not mammon/money/wealth, we will look financially ridiculous to some, and compassionately generous to others. when we align our life with the manifesto of the kingdom of heaven, we will surely be persecuted by some, and embraced by others.

this whole thing is a mirror! isn’t it interesting: when we love as yeshua loves, we will gain enemies who will persecute us, who we will pray for. it’s like a rare foolproof formula/cycle to never leave us without people to pray for, haha! it’s a mirror revealing our fruit revealing our enemies revealing our love revealing our fruit!

Q/ are we following/attaching-ourselves-to yeshua rather than drawing near to the words? and do we even have enemies to pray for?

a parable from peter rollins seems most fitting, it’s called, ‘no conviction’:
In a world where following Christ is decreed to be a subversive and illegal activity you have been accused of being a believer, arrested and dragged before a court.

You have been under clandestine surveillance for some time now and so the prosecution has been able to build up quite a case against you. They begin the trial by offering the judge dozens of photographs which show you attending church meetings, speaking at religious events, and participating in various prayer and worship services. After this they present a selection of items that have been confiscated from your home: religious books that you own, worship CDs and other Christian artefacts. Then they step up the pace by displaying many of the poems, pieces of prose, and journal entries that you had lovingly written concerning your faith. Finally, in closing, the prosecution offers your Bible to the judge. This is a well-worn book with scribbles, notes, drawings, and underlings throughout, evidence, if it were needed, that you had read and re-read this sacred text many times.

Throughout the case you have been sitting silently in fear and trembling. You know deep in your heart that with the large body of evidence that has been amassed by the prosecution you face the possibility of a long imprisonment or even execution. At various times throughout the proceedings you have lost all confidence and have been on the verge of standing up and denying Christ. But while this thought has plagued your mind throughout the trial, you resist the temptation and remain focused.

Once the prosecution has finished presenting their case the judge proceeds to ask if you have anything to add, but you remain silent and resolute, terrified that if you open your mouth, even for a moment, you might deny the charges made against you. Like Christ, you remain silent before your accusers. In response you are led outside to wait as the judge ponders your case.

The hours pass slowly as you sit under guard in the foyer waiting to be summoned back. Eventually a young man in uniform appears and leads you into the courtroom so that you may hear the verdict and receive word of your punishment. Once seated in the dock the judge, a harsh and unyielding man, enters the room, stands before you, looks deep into your eyes and begins to speak,

“Of the charges that have been brought forward I find the accused not guilty.”

“Not guilty?” your heart freezes. Then, in a split second, the fear and terror that had moments before threatened to strip your resolve are swallowed up by confusion and rage.

Despite the surroundings, you stand defiantly before the judge and demand that he give an account concerning why you are innocent of the charges in light of the evidence.

“What evidence?” he replies in shock.

“What about the poems and prose that I wrote?” you reply.

“They simply show that you think of yourself as a poet, nothing more.”

“But what about the services I spoke at, the times I wept in church and the long, sleepless nights of prayer?”

“Evidence that you are a good speaker and actor, nothing more.” replied the judge, “It is obvious that you deluded those around you, and perhaps at times you even deluded yourself, but this foolishness is not enough to convict you in a court of law.”

“But this is madness!” you shout. “It would seem that no evidence would convince you!”

“Not so,” replies the judge as if informing you of a great, long forgotten secret.

“The court is indifferent toward your Bible reading and church attendance; it has no concern for worship with words and a pen. Continue to develop your theology, and use it to paint pictures of love. We have no interest in such armchair artists who spend their time creating images of a better world. We exist only for those who would lay down that brush, and their life, in a Christ-like endeavor to create it. So, until you live as Christ and his followers, until you challenge this system and become a thorn in our side, until you die to yourself and offer your body to the flames, until then my friend, you are no enemy of ours.”

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the low-down is basically a walk through matthew’s accounts and the various uses of the truly epic and oft-misunderstood phrase, “the kingdom of heaven/GOD.”

taking a page out of the rabbinical school of study, we’re first looking closely at the law of first mention(s) – both in the first and new covenants, considering the radical* birth of the kingdom of heaven/GOD and the inherent questions it raises for us today.

i am using the word ‘lost’ because as much as yochanan (john), yeshua (jesus), and the apostles used the phrase [kingdom of heaven/GOD], it seems the body of christ has largely swept it under the gospel-rug. and make no mistake, yochanan was certainly not the first one to coin that phrase: it stems from a history of empire and power and spheres of power or control; what may also be described as the dome of a king: a kingdom.

i am also using the word ‘lost’ because many of the symbols themselves have been, in a sense, lost unto us 21st century sojourners of the way: followers of the christ. we read his parables, we envision his symbols, then our minds go blank as we search for a mustard seed and plant around our neighborhoods in suburbia, and finally (most of us) skip – er, skim – the rest of the chapter, taking refuge with a familiar verse from psalms. note the bit of sarcasm…

we live in such a dome today. a nation of boundaries governed by a modern-day king-of-sorts: a president: one who presides, sits in front of.

it would not be far-fetched to say that we find our legal citizenship in the kingdom of america, for example.

so, does it matter and what does it mean that there exists another kingdom in the very midst of the one we’re in? how are we to make our living in light of this reality? etcetera and ellipsis.

Q/ what is the most recent conversation you have had regarding the “kingdom of heaven/GOD?” or do you find that you are not having very many conversations at all about it?

*radical. used here not to elicit images of mohawks or lady gaga; rather, in reference to the word’s origin, from radish: of or having roots. that is, being radical or, going back to the roots, to the beginning.

anyways. he recently tweeted,

created a new word today for transitioning and planting a church at the same time…PLANSITIONING…let me know if you already created it.

well. i have not already created it. but i have been dreaming of a variant of said created word, which is probably not a first either, but here goes:

grafting. to unite (a shoot or bud) with a growing plant by insertion or by placing in close contact.

right? so. rather than plant or start a local church in a city where there is likely already a local church meeting – which in some respects would be far easier – you would seek to graft a local church into an existing on*.

obviously, many obstacles would emerge. leadership issues, priorities of two or more groups, histories and traditions merging with hopes of different generations and backgrounds…but are these not already found in a local church pressing into the abundant life anyway? are these not the very real and needed points of friction which create a furious love between the communitas and for the community at large?

what do you think? have you been a part of such a grafting or plansitioning or something else similar? or something else altogether different?

*i am not against planting a local church – but i do think it’s a valid endeavor to question what is seemingly becoming a default answer for small groups or pastors wanting to “start a (local) church.”

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As a class assignment during my last year of undergraduate studies I had to attend a public meeting of some kind and observe the interaction of the people present. I decided to attend a local AA Meeting which met at my church in Grand Rapids, Mich. The sights, sounds, stories, and smells are still fresh in my mind today as I take a moment and remember a lesson learned.
The room, like a finished bottle from a previous life, was empty when I entered. Not a lot of time passed before I found myself sitting near the back corner; scanning the room, I was amazed at how many people there were. I was nervous. So nervous, in fact, that I was laughing with my newly formed acquaintances – laughing! What did I expect? To be honest, my biases had gotten the best of me and I expected to hear from low-life, rotten, poor, helpless men. I expected to see the women: slutty, skinny, eyes full of ethanol.

Can you imagine the surprise when my eyes were drawn to a white-collared man? I thought, “Have I seen him around, perhaps at the gas station, filling up his Audi?” The expanse of the room was quickly filled with men and women, delightful – no – thankful to be attending. There were friends, workers, businessmen, maybe accountants, or even church secretaries, teachers, mothers, a twenty year old child. I felt taken back. The thought of laughing never crossed my mind. Nervousness and excitement washed over me as I thought about the prospect of hearing their stories. What was their story?

Well, it was the biggest turn out in a while I suppose, because we separated into two groups; one with all women, the other with all men. The meeting was underway.

Jack began, “Hi, I’m Jack, I’m an alcoholic.” His support resounded, “Hey Jack.” We reviewed the Twelve Steps, read the Preamble, and prayed the Serenity Prayer. I was embarrassed that I had not even fully memorized the three-line prayer. Next order on the table: topic. What was the topic? I couldn’t wait…

Prayer. Bob spoke up, requesting we discuss prayer: how it had affected the other men, how they prayed, and how he can become better. I didn’t notice my mouth dropping, but my stomach was in a knot.

They all had fascinating stories, but one in particular has stuck with me to this day.

Gary was at least seventy. Perhaps he deserved to be older, for the lessons he endured. He drank straight liquor for several years before he was confronted with his “problem.” He denied it, of course. He became suicidal and utterly reckless: driving into trees and off bridges. Sadly, this was not Gary’s rock bottom. Twice he pulled the car into his garage, set up the hoses, rested his finger on the metal electric window button. But, he became too sick, had to back out. Then, he got his hands on a gun. He even managed to slide the smooth barrel into his mouth. And it’s here that Gary says he “fell down.” Right on the bottom of rock bottom. He never pulled the trigger, instead he found a sponsor.

Gary was told to pray to God and to pray hard. He remembered it with ease as the words fell from his mouth. “F— God,” came the response to that advice. He hated God. I could feel it, sitting in that tiled room with my eyes glued to his.

I was reminded of how often well-meaning Christians just want to cover everything up, pretend like life is all bubbles and warmth. He did need to pray, but he also needed physical help. If his name had been Bartimaeus, he would have needed his sight restored, not just a hand on his shoulder.

He never prayed, continued to drink, and ran further and further from the help he desperately wanted. For two years this continued and he soon revisited that dreary place on the bottom. However, this time was destined to be different. He prayed. And to wake up in the morning, I believe, must have been the best feeling he had experienced in years. Gary came to know God in ways that I cannot fully relate to, because of his journey. But he now lives in conversation with God. It is the only way, he says, an alcoholic will find relief, peace, and love.

Erwin McManus in his book, Soul Cravings noted that, “God is love…To search for love and run from God is maddening.”

I am forever grateful for the story of Gary and the love of God. I am reminded on a regular basis that God is love and all things are possible. Of course, I have also learned the value in remembering that every relationship is a journey. Ours with God is no different. Some people choose to take the long way home and it’s not our job to rescue them; only to continue being the body of Christ and living, as Gary came to recognize, in constant conversation with Him.

or perhaps, most of our local churches would be overwhelmed with nickels for something somebody once kept on saying, but would we have αγαπη – unconditional, perfect-as-our-father-is-perfect, unrestrained, full-of-wonder, transforming and compassionate love?

i mean, really. what are the hopes and dreams of our local churches? and should we not be more careful in what we, as a body, are wishing for?

where are the great collective hopes and dreams of a people consumed by fire and left with a passion for his name? where are the great pray-ers of an age desperately needing renewed and redeemed conversation with the king of the universe – who is over and above any power* and authority?

in short. where are the other worship leaders? we have musicians and lyricists, poets and authors, preachers and teachers** – but where are the prophetic intercessors? those immediately compassionate souls lifting up one voice? the becoming-fathers leading the fatherless with groans and desires of something more?

Q/ how are you seeing this played out in your local church? or, what is your local church “struggling with” or “wishing for” – and how does it reflect the hopes and dreams of GOD? how can you/i become more a part of this prayer?

*power here is used in the more common pauline language referring to governmental/kingdom offices – places of “power.”

**obviously, i am all for the existence of these people – haha. it is both sound doctrine, and, i would say therefore, culturally relevant…i am not bashing these places of honor, just seeking to add to the spectrum.

even monday saw the continuing rise of the cumberland and harpeth rivers resulting in many parts of nashville proper to take on water and substantial damage: businesses along 1st and 2nd ave, the schermerhorn symphony hall, bridgestone arena (formerly the nashville arena/sommet center/gaylord entertainment center/nashville arena) opry mills, opryland hotel, and the famed grand ole opry house were all met by the rising waters of the cumberland.

and all of this is, simply speaking, not good. it is disturbing. but the silver lining of disturbance is it’s ability to move us. like many of our friends, once we knew our families and houses were spared, we began looking for ways to help. and then comes the barrage of ways to serve – but struggling with feeling exactly how you could serve, kind of feeling a little helpless because of so much need!of course, the fastest and easy thing – but still VERY much needed – was the redcross text effort: $10 to 90999.

then, one of our friends tipped us off to one of her friends who was collecting all sorts of clothes and toiletry items for pennington bend residents. so off to the dollar general store we went and purchased the items which would help at least a few people in the days to come…and then it was into the attic and through the 4 tubs of owen’s clothes he clearly did not fit anymore – trisha sorted it out and we ended up giving away a quantifiable grip of clothing for many a pennington boy, i hope. haha.

then, later in the week i heard of an opportunity to help out with trevecca, so i jumped at the chance and headed into town. i and two buddies delivered 7 couches (which they were able to buy from goodwill for a total of $76 – score!) and worked alongside delores and star ministries* to organize some food, clothes, and water – all in all, i only spent a little bit of time, great as it was, working with and for those affected by the flooding. i really wanted to get closer, to practice “immediate compassion,” to encourage, to listen, to do i-don’t-really-know-what, so before heading back home, i made my way back and around to:

lewis st/1st ave: where i spoke (and, to my surprise, laughed) with a “d*mn old, white,  brotha” – his own words – who “loves god today more than yesterday,” despite the fact that the hud housing apartments he was living in had just been remodeled and now stood a reeking and broken mess – all of what little possessions he owned now lay in a wet pile next to my car.

claiborne street: where i met a woman who was not affected by the flood, but her elderly father, who lived somewhere else in town, had been trapped for almost two days.

demonbreun street: where i was able to hear with new ears of the unimaginable erasure of tent city from ron and “d”, a couple of homeless people waiting to go…well, nowhere. tent city is no more. i learned later that it can’t even be accessed now except by people with full hepatitis shots and hazmat suits – it is a condemned hazardous area.

+

for me, what GOD seems to be bringing up time and time again is the need for what i can only describe as immediate compassion: the practice of “getting in to the others skin” wherever and whenever you find yourself. and, i do see this being inclusive of the radical idea that we need to be present with people to truly practice immediate compassion. not that we can’t respond from a distance with money, resources, etc – but i do believe there is a marked difference between immediate compassion and a distant or separated response of compassion – though both can surely be used in their own rights!

no matter what we’re doing to serve and bring the kingdom, we need to do it with new eyes and new ears. and in this way, what act of service or monetary donation could ever be without purpose? how can we ever practice immediate compassion and not change those near us – even the very geological landscape – or not be changed ourselves?

please continue to pray for both those affected by the flood and those affecting those affected by the flood: may GOD be known as his disciples are known by their love and immediate compassion.

*star ministries is a great little food bank operating out of the strong passion and deep love of people like delores – a tennessee state university advisor who plans on retiring soon to work full time with star ministries and the communities between lewis and 1st ave.