a beautiful mess

“The will is surrendered moment by moment as you face the ordinary decisions of home, family, and job. I cannot prescribe for you how this is done…I am able, however, to give you some practiced prayers that you then can interpret into your individual situation.” – Richard J. Foster, Prayer

“Hey, baptize my mind /Hey, baptize my eyes /Hey, baptize my mind /For these seeds to give birth to life / First it must die” – Jon Foreman, Baptize My Mind

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the prayer of relinquishment, says foster, is a daily stop on the journey of surrendering our will to that of YHWH. he speaks of five practiced prayers – with no offered systematic way of walking them out, to his credit and of which i am very appreciative. why am i appreciative? because the space left unfilled was, in this case, filled by direction from the ruach hakodesh.

i offer up to you, the random passerby, family, and friends what has simply been offered up to me. sort of a public accountability of sorts.

an unidentified period of time whereby i will make it a habit of praying these five ‘practiced prayers’, (for habit overcomes habit, wrote thomas a kempis). i have structured them around the days of the week because that is the best harmony of order and chaos for me ;]

i won’t bombard you with a litany of disclaimers as to how this will probably go: but the long and short of it is as follows: i don’t need these prayers, but i need the conversation with GOD; some days i will totally miss out on this conversation as i choose to dialogue with other people and things in place of him; some days it will only be lip service; some days it will be revolutionary and intimate; some days GOD may not feel near, i know this; some days i will know that he is nearer than i will ever feel.

alas. the five practiced prayers.

monday/ the prayer of self-emptying. foster suggests praying through chapter two of paul’s epistle to the phillipians. i am also reminded of soren kierkegaard’s bold declaration: “GOD creates everything out of nothing–and everything which GOD is to use he first reduces to nothing.” likewise, paul speaks of his becoming less that GOD would become more and more and more. even hillsong’s lyrics echo so loud over this prayer: “i know i’m filled to be emptied again, this seed i’ve received i will sow”. it begins with baptism.

tuesday/ the prayer of surrender. to embrace and meditate on yeshua’s own words which fell from struggle, “not my will, but yours be done.” and to pray. and to think. and to weep. and to struggle. and eat these words. and to sleep with these words. until these words are transformed into something altogether lovely and filled with wonder. “may your kingdom come, may your will be done.”

wednesday/ the prayer of abandonment. my impression at the outset is this: it’s really about remembering YHWH as king of kings of kings: he is sovereign: do i trust him? do i trust him to do with me as he absolutely pleases? and ultimately, if i have been filled with him and am eagerly ushering his will into every living space, then this prayer will be one centered on celebration.

thursday/ the prayer of release. “lift up” writes foster. lift up my children, my spouse, my friends. lift up my hurts, my fears, my pain. lift up my hopes, my passions, my all. i even think the importance of posture will prove beautiful throughout these days: lifting up my eyes, my hands: for he is the lifter of our heads: blessed be his holy name.

friday/ the prayer of resurrection. “lord, bring back to life what will please you and advance your kingdom.” oh roar. when i first read that, i was stopped dead in my tracks, pun intended. but seriously, what a prayer. again, bringing everything full circle – it’s about trust. it’s about letting the truth ring out: when we fear GOD, we fear nothing else. foster is quick to draw attention back to reality, “some things will remain dead–and it is better for you that they do. others will burst forth into new life in such a way that you will hardly recognize them. in either case, rest in the confidence that GOD is better than you are at resurrection.” yesh and amen.

[selah]

now there again. for those quick to criticize me, “oh, you’re making this whole freedom of prayer thing so legalistic…”, no. freedom is not found in doing whatever one wants whenever one wants; rather, freedom is most fully experienced with and in christ: which implies an order to the chaos. i look forward to praying my own prayers, having my own verbal struggles with GOD, and following wherever he may lead – but it is good, for me, to begin here. you may not be where i am at. and that’s okay. because our GOD is bigger than where i am or where you are. indeed.

so, monday, here i come. well, really, here i come, emptying myself. or at least trying to.

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despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHWH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

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