a beautiful mess

“he who forms the mountains, who creates the wind, and who reveals his thoughts to mortals, who turns dawn to darkness, and treads on the heights of the earth— the LORD god almighty is his name.” – amos 4.13

“fear not. only believe.” – yeshua of nazareth

the sky was very dark and water was falling from the heavens. and every so often, the wind would stir and streaks of light would reflect off of owen’s eyes.

i think it was one of the coolest ‘conversations’ i have had with my son yet. we whispered together while at the same time watching together. it was an incredible feeling to watch a storm through the eyes of a one-year old: every drop of rain turned his head, every flash of lightning seemed to cause him to wonder.

but we also whispered. it began with him raising his hand, pointing toward infinity, and whispering what i am pretty sure was, “whoa.” i replied, as quietly and carefully as i could, “yes, son, that just happened.” i proceeded to put it forth that there is, indeed, a god with a name [blessed be his holy name] who is the source of all things: who creates the wind: who turns dawn into darkness: who is the only true god: yes, YHWH, the lord of hosts, is his name.

but every so often, thunder would crack through the silence. and naturally, his little ears would hear such a sound and cause his eyes to blink in fear. it occurred to me that there was no better time to reveal these words of jesus to a scared soul, “fear not. only believe.”

it is nothing new to hear that fear paralyzes and faith propels; that fear and faith are so delicately opposed while also being definitvely intertwined. i wanted owen to understand that the command to fear not is given to us not because jesus is a cold-hearted, numb and naive man with no compassion for those who find themselves afraid; he gives this command alongside another command: only believe, only have faith.

there will be times when we are scared, but our response is not to fear. we are, in fact, commanded to only believe. to believe that YHWH is who he says he is. to believe that our god cares about us. to believe that all things are ours. to believe that he will finish/complete/make whole what he begins. to believe that even death is not the end for those in christ jesus. to believe that our god is the lord of hosts and his command is to take the land! only believe.

our god turns dawn into darkness, for it is often under the cover of darkness that our eyes fail and faith prevails.

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despite my unbelief, i believe that who i am is a son of the only living god & king, YHWH [blessed be his name]. a son of the resurrection. a son of the wind which bends all things.

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